Monthly Archives: June 2012

TWEEN SENSE

by

0

“Oh… I really hate middle school.” I can’t tell you how many times I hear this from parents. Why such strong feelings? If you have a middle schooler at home, you probably know why. The mean kids, the hormones, the changes…the list goes on and on. In the tender tween age of 11 to 14, middle schoolers are probably the most confused age group on Earth. Just like toddlers, until you understand their psyche, you cannot get through to them. So, how can you help? Just understand them.

1. Know that they are going to be more and more self-centered. They cannot help it. Preoccupation with the mirror, their clothes, their friends, and their things is the norm now. Parents, try to find subtle ways to discuss inner beauty with them. When it comes to body image, use words like “healthy,” not pretty or skinny. Help them understand that many children do not have the advantages they have. Perhaps they can volunteer with friends for a local charity.

2. Gone are the days when you were the “cool” mom and dad. Now, you are just barely acceptable. Accept it. You don’t need to be their best friend anymore. That’s fine, but perhaps you can subtly direct them to friends who would be a good influence.

3. They blow things up (in their mind). A run-of-the-mill comment or situation can magnify and become a big deal to them. Their emotions are not in their control. Step into their shoes, understand the breadth of their feelings, and teach them coping skills for the kind of situations they deal with socially.

4. They are dreamers. They are doodlers. Their head is in the clouds. That’s understandable, since they are trying to figure out who they are. Parents, encourage their imagination and creativity. Let them dream big.

Finally, understand that this is a stage of life. With time, their thought process and mind will mature and become more reasonable. In fact, in a few years, you will have a good laugh about all their middle school drama. So parents, don’t hate middle school. Be ready for it.

GRANDMA’S GHEE

by

5

As I grow older and hopefully wiser, I don’t know why, but I think about my grandmothers a lot. They were strong women. Their spirituality, beauty, and earthiness strikes me to this day. Theirs was a life full of ritual. The rituals could be as simple as picking fresh herbs from the garden, separating each leaf, grinding them in stone, and then making an amazing healing salve or a yummy chutney out of it.

Every single day, they cooked fresh healthy meals. Cooking was an important part of their persona. Eating local was important as was eating seasonal foods. They knew that variety in diet mattered for their kids’ health and it would provide the anti-oxidant, vitamin, and mineral protection that was needed. Food was not just food. It was a ritual. They knew which vegetable or fruit was digested better with which grain or lentil. Preparation of spices had umpteen steps. I can’t believe how hard they worked!

The thought I put into the family meals is no-where close to grandma’s, but I do consciously try to follow some of their rituals. One is to prepare “ghee” or unsalted clarified butter. Ghee is a gorgeous, nutty, golden, liquidy version of butter. The French call it “beurre noisette” and they use it in pastries and sauces. I like to cook with it or add it to cooked foods. I find that it has a high smoke point and does not burn fast when heated. Adding small quantities to soups, lentils, rice, and homemade bread takes the palate to a different level. I make pasta and curry sauces with it as well. I prefer making ghee from fresh butter from local farms or organic butter if available. Preparation instructions are available on YouTube, Food Network, and many other sites. You can easily store and use it for two months at room temperature or in the refrigerator.

Ghee is well known in Ayurvedic medicine as a digestive, an anti-oxidant, a burn salve, and a memory booster. Of course, just like butter, it is high in saturated fats. So moderation is important. Use it as a substitute for butter or oil, not an addition. And margarine…no thanks. When cooking for my family, the more natural ingredients the better. The grandmas knew that. And I am slowly learning that as well.

Tell me, what are your family rituals pertaining to cooking? Share your thoughts.

THE DRAMA OF LONDON

by

0

Have you laughed yourself into stitches? Maybe you’ve seen better days. Did you ever find yourself in a pickle? If yes, then you are quoting Shakespeare.

Your teen may actually recognize some of William Shakespeare’s words since Shakespeare is part of most high-school curriculums. If you visit London with the family, then make sure you explore Shakespeare’s globe theater. It is a replica of the original open-air theater, but regardless, it transports you to the era of the Tudors. In fact, you can watch plays like the average public in those times by standing in front of the stage, i.e “the pit.” My favorite exhibit depicts many of the original Shakespearean quotes that we unknowingly use in our daily life.

Whether or not your teen likes performance arts or literature, the globe theater is the perfect place where he can be inspired. Even if you have not read a single play by him, you can marvel at his ability to push the boundaries. He was an innovator. He was a creative genius. I am a fan!

PARENTS: HOW ATTACHED ARE YOU?

by

2

Well, Time magazine sure got our attention. The May cover depicting a mom breastfeeding her almost-four year old son threw out a challenge. Essentially it asked, “Are you mom enough to try attachment parenting?”

What is attachment parenting? It is a philosophy advocated by Dr. Bill Sears, which focuses on the seven B’s: Bonding, Breastfeeding, Baby-wearing, Bedding (co-sleeping), Being wary of baby trainers, and creating a Balance. On the whole, attachment parenting advocates parent-child closeness and full attention to the child at all times.

Looking back at my childhood, I realize that I am a product of attachment parenting myself. Yes, I think it works. But it only works if it holds true to your family structure and your family values. Nobody ever taught my East Indian ancestors or my parents about “attachment parenting.” They just raised their kids based on what worked for the previous generations and the advice just passed on from one generation to the next.

I can think of many reasons why attachment parenting does not work in this day and age. Working moms, small families, living far away from extended family etc. On the contrary, I can think of many ways this parenting can work for today’s moms. As a working mom, I have a moderate approach to the one outlined by Dr. Sears. I believe that bonding, breastfeeding, holding, and cuddling my kids will never spoil them or make them weak or dependent as adults. I advocate sleeping in the same room (not bed) for the first year for nursing moms. I say no just as often to my kids as I say yes. I don’t believe in hovering over the kids at all times. But if they need me, I am right there. And if I don’t know how to handle a situation, then I think, “What would my mom do?” And voila, I always have the right answer.

The parenting philosophy that matters the most is your own and it is up to you to tailor it to your family. No matter what anyone says.

Photo: Courtesy of Time Magazine