Author Archives: Mia

How Not To Clean the Binky

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Woops…there goes the pacifier…onto the floor.  I watch as a mom picks it up, puts it in her mouth, and then back in the baby’s mouth.  I am perplexed.  I see a lot of parents doing this.  I suppose parents think that the pacifier will be “cleaner” with a spit-wash.  Honestly, I would rather put the pacifier back on the floor.  Five second rule, right?  The 3 second exposure of an adult mouth makes the pacifier a lot dirtier and germ-infested than the floor.  That is not the environment you want your child’s teeth to grow into.

A simple solution is to buy the pacifier clip-on.  The binky (pacifier) stays attached to the child’s clothing.  So no more binky clean up to worry about.  At the end of the day, hand wash all the pacifiers and clips and you are good to go for the morning.

Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

WHAT’S IN YOUR BACKGROUND?

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“You can only watch TV on the weekends,” I remind my little one after school.  ”Okay,” she sighs and she begins to play with her blocks.

I give myself a mental pat on the back for sticking to my guns.  TV is not good for her little brain.  I would much rather she engage in creative play or a learning activity.

Ha, little do I know.  What I thought to be minimal TV exposure is not so “minimal” in reality.  Yes, she is reading or coloring, but the TV is often playing in the background.  Whether it is CNN or Project Runway or Indian soap operas, the TV is literally “on” for hours.

A recent study showed that kids in the U.S. are exposed to about four hours of background TV.  Add that to the 2 hours of TV kids watch actively.  Six hours — that is equal to the time they spend learning in school.

In my practice, I always talk about the health and behavioral problems caused by kids watching too much TV.   But, what about us parents?  Could our media addiction be harming our children indirectly?  My parental intuition says, “Without a doubt.”

What are your thoughts on this disturbing statistic?

SKIN CARE AU NATUREL

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So I am wheeling the shopping cart around Target and I groan inwardly when I hear, “Mommy, can I have the Dora shampoo?”  I mumble an excuse like, “that’s for big kids.”  Whenever I see a product with a cartoon on it, it is hard for me to trust whether it is actually “good” for my kid.  I know you can’t judge a book by the cover, but simple ingredient comparison always leads me to the non-cartoon non-fuss products.

So which skin products should we choose for the kids?  The answer is simple.  Find the products that are the most natural which means fragrance free, alcohol free, dye and color free .  I find myself using organic and hypoallergenic products for everybody at home, especially the kids.

We all love the wonderful “baby” fragrance that so many lotions and bath products have.  Umm.. sorry to tell you this but the fragrances are pretty drying and sensitizing to the skin.  I see “camomile and lavender” in baby products all the time and I find that some (not all) kids can become sensitive to them with repeated use over time.

I know that babies and kids love baths, but they don’t need baths daily.  How many babies do we see rolling around in the dirt?  Preserve their natural skin oils by not soaking them daily in the tub.  Just wipe them down with a wet towel and skip one or two days.

I know bubble baths are fun, but they are super irritating to their little behinds.  Avoid them at all costs.

A lot of the creams/lotions that say “For dry skin or eczema” actually contain alcohol in the ingredients.  So read the labels.

The skin is the largest organ system in the body.  I think the more natural non-processed products you can find, the better…and smarter.  What do you use at home for your child’s skin?

TWEEN SENSE

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“Oh… I really hate middle school.” I can’t tell you how many times I hear this from parents. Why such strong feelings? If you have a middle schooler at home, you probably know why. The mean kids, the hormones, the changes…the list goes on and on. In the tender tween age of 11 to 14, middle schoolers are probably the most confused age group on Earth. Just like toddlers, until you understand their psyche, you cannot get through to them. So, how can you help? Just understand them.

1. Know that they are going to be more and more self-centered. They cannot help it. Preoccupation with the mirror, their clothes, their friends, and their things is the norm now. Parents, try to find subtle ways to discuss inner beauty with them. When it comes to body image, use words like “healthy,” not pretty or skinny. Help them understand that many children do not have the advantages they have. Perhaps they can volunteer with friends for a local charity.

2. Gone are the days when you were the “cool” mom and dad. Now, you are just barely acceptable. Accept it. You don’t need to be their best friend anymore. That’s fine, but perhaps you can subtly direct them to friends who would be a good influence.

3. They blow things up (in their mind). A run-of-the-mill comment or situation can magnify and become a big deal to them. Their emotions are not in their control. Step into their shoes, understand the breadth of their feelings, and teach them coping skills for the kind of situations they deal with socially.

4. They are dreamers. They are doodlers. Their head is in the clouds. That’s understandable, since they are trying to figure out who they are. Parents, encourage their imagination and creativity. Let them dream big.

Finally, understand that this is a stage of life. With time, their thought process and mind will mature and become more reasonable. In fact, in a few years, you will have a good laugh about all their middle school drama. So parents, don’t hate middle school. Be ready for it.

GRANDMA’S GHEE

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As I grow older and hopefully wiser, I don’t know why, but I think about my grandmothers a lot. They were strong women. Their spirituality, beauty, and earthiness strikes me to this day. Theirs was a life full of ritual. The rituals could be as simple as picking fresh herbs from the garden, separating each leaf, grinding them in stone, and then making an amazing healing salve or a yummy chutney out of it.

Every single day, they cooked fresh healthy meals. Cooking was an important part of their persona. Eating local was important as was eating seasonal foods. They knew that variety in diet mattered for their kids’ health and it would provide the anti-oxidant, vitamin, and mineral protection that was needed. Food was not just food. It was a ritual. They knew which vegetable or fruit was digested better with which grain or lentil. Preparation of spices had umpteen steps. I can’t believe how hard they worked!

The thought I put into the family meals is no-where close to grandma’s, but I do consciously try to follow some of their rituals. One is to prepare “ghee” or unsalted clarified butter. Ghee is a gorgeous, nutty, golden, liquidy version of butter. The French call it “beurre noisette” and they use it in pastries and sauces. I like to cook with it or add it to cooked foods. I find that it has a high smoke point and does not burn fast when heated. Adding small quantities to soups, lentils, rice, and homemade bread takes the palate to a different level. I make pasta and curry sauces with it as well. I prefer making ghee from fresh butter from local farms or organic butter if available. Preparation instructions are available on YouTube, Food Network, and many other sites. You can easily store and use it for two months at room temperature or in the refrigerator.

Ghee is well known in Ayurvedic medicine as a digestive, an anti-oxidant, a burn salve, and a memory booster. Of course, just like butter, it is high in saturated fats. So moderation is important. Use it as a substitute for butter or oil, not an addition. And margarine…no thanks. When cooking for my family, the more natural ingredients the better. The grandmas knew that. And I am slowly learning that as well.

Tell me, what are your family rituals pertaining to cooking? Share your thoughts.

THE DRAMA OF LONDON

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Have you laughed yourself into stitches? Maybe you’ve seen better days. Did you ever find yourself in a pickle? If yes, then you are quoting Shakespeare.

Your teen may actually recognize some of William Shakespeare’s words since Shakespeare is part of most high-school curriculums. If you visit London with the family, then make sure you explore Shakespeare’s globe theater. It is a replica of the original open-air theater, but regardless, it transports you to the era of the Tudors. In fact, you can watch plays like the average public in those times by standing in front of the stage, i.e “the pit.” My favorite exhibit depicts many of the original Shakespearean quotes that we unknowingly use in our daily life.

Whether or not your teen likes performance arts or literature, the globe theater is the perfect place where he can be inspired. Even if you have not read a single play by him, you can marvel at his ability to push the boundaries. He was an innovator. He was a creative genius. I am a fan!

PARENTS: HOW ATTACHED ARE YOU?

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Well, Time magazine sure got our attention. The May cover depicting a mom breastfeeding her almost-four year old son threw out a challenge. Essentially it asked, “Are you mom enough to try attachment parenting?”

What is attachment parenting? It is a philosophy advocated by Dr. Bill Sears, which focuses on the seven B’s: Bonding, Breastfeeding, Baby-wearing, Bedding (co-sleeping), Being wary of baby trainers, and creating a Balance. On the whole, attachment parenting advocates parent-child closeness and full attention to the child at all times.

Looking back at my childhood, I realize that I am a product of attachment parenting myself. Yes, I think it works. But it only works if it holds true to your family structure and your family values. Nobody ever taught my East Indian ancestors or my parents about “attachment parenting.” They just raised their kids based on what worked for the previous generations and the advice just passed on from one generation to the next.

I can think of many reasons why attachment parenting does not work in this day and age. Working moms, small families, living far away from extended family etc. On the contrary, I can think of many ways this parenting can work for today’s moms. As a working mom, I have a moderate approach to the one outlined by Dr. Sears. I believe that bonding, breastfeeding, holding, and cuddling my kids will never spoil them or make them weak or dependent as adults. I advocate sleeping in the same room (not bed) for the first year for nursing moms. I say no just as often to my kids as I say yes. I don’t believe in hovering over the kids at all times. But if they need me, I am right there. And if I don’t know how to handle a situation, then I think, “What would my mom do?” And voila, I always have the right answer.

The parenting philosophy that matters the most is your own and it is up to you to tailor it to your family. No matter what anyone says.

Photo: Courtesy of Time Magazine

PICKY EATER SERIES: PART TWO

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In part one of the picky eater series, I talked about the physiological appetite slump in toddlers. The appetite slump usually occurs between ages 1-3 years. During this time, lot of parents come to me and say, “He only eats two bites and then pushes the plate away. How do I get him to eat more?” My answer usually is, “If he eats two bites, then make those the most two nutritious bites ever.” Ok I say a lot more things, but today’s topic is how to fortify the food with as much nutrition and good calories as possible for your picky eater.

Here are some ideas:
Think good calories, not bad calories. Just because you want to increase his caloric intake does not mean you should load him up with ice cream, cookies, and all sorts of sugary and fried foods. So what do I mean by good calories? See the ideas below:

1. If you are making pasta, rice, or noodles, then scramble egg as finely as you can and add that in.
2. Use whole milk products for cooking for instance like creamed spinach.
3. Add a dollop of butter to toast, waffles, soups, and rice (and many other foods).
4. Snack time should be as nutritious as meal time. Peanut butter, avocado, whole milk cheese, Nutella are some of my go-to snack fortifiers.
5. If the three meals a day is not working out at your home, then do five small meals a day. And try to make those as nutritious as possible.
6. Add very fine pieces of cooked meats into the food your prepare. I think soups are especially good for this. Stay posted for a recipe for my “Supersoup.”
7. Finally, don’t let them graze all day on food and drinks. Structure those five small meals. Make it clear that there is a time and place for food or snack (and that is only set by you). Believe me, it is very important to do it now.

I think I can write a book on this topic (LOL). Let me know what you want to read about?

STRANGER ANXIETY: It’s my party and I’ll cry if you don’t hold me!!

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Full of giddy anticipation, my parents flew across the continent. Delayed flight.. Bad food.. Fear of flying.. they did not care. They were seeing their grandchild and it was her first birthday.

Upon their arrival, the birthday girl took one look at them, her lower lip curled, eyes welled up with tears, and she began to bawl. It did not get any better during the two weeks they spent with me. I could sense their disappointment, but they kept saying, “Don’t worry. That happens.” She spent most of her birthday clinging to my leg and avoiding all of the guests. Birthday cake …forget about it..she wanted nothing to do with it.

I knew she was at the peak of stranger anxiety and there was no way around it. During this phase, a kid feels that mom and dad (especially mom) are their safety net. Anybody else, she feels, is someone who can take their parents away from them. From a child development perspective, stranger anxiety signals the beginning a basic understanding of relationships and family. The more she sees someone on a regular basis, like a nanny or grandparents, the less anxiety she will have to them.

But what do you do when family members visit? Or at birthday parties? The key is to understand the child’s plight. You are her safety net. So reassure her that you will hold on to her until she feels safe. Ask your family members to not talk or smile or gesture to the child, until she is ready to look and talk to them.

If you are always entertaining people at your home or meeting friends for playdates with your child, she will probably develop less stranger anxiety. Having bad stranger anxiety does not mean your child will be an introvert for life. Lastly, remember, this phase will go away around age two on its own. All she needs is reassurance of your presence and your love.

Did your little one have any stranger anxiety? And what did you do about it?

Photo courtesy of: Freedigitalphotos.net

PLAYTIME IN PARIS

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Just the thought of Paris brings so many fabulous things to mind. The fashion, the sights, the art, the playgrounds. Yes, really, the playgrounds. If you plan to visit Paris with kids, I encourage you to go to the parks, especially the Jardin de Luxembourg (Luxembourg Gardens). Situated in the lively Quartier Latin (Latin quarter), the gardens have many sections reserved exclusively for children’s activities. The outdoor playground is a wonderful acknowledgement of outdoor play for kids of all ages. A marionette show indulges the fun and fantasy of childhood. You can rent toy boats and your child can race them in the oval pond with the ducks. Wednesday is the perfect day to go because school ends early and all the families are out and about. Pick up some cafe au lait, sandwiches, and a fruit tart from a corner boulangerie (they are everywhere in Paris!). That is one heck of an outing with your kids in Paris.

Have you had any perfect outings abroad or in US? If so, please share.

NATURAL COUGH SUPPRESSANT

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She’s up coughing all night. You know it is the drip in the back of the throat. If only you can give her something to stop the cough. I see many frustrated parents who just want a safe cough suppressant. Unfortunately, cough suppressants have been taken off the pharmacy shelves for the last couple years and are not recommended for kids under six years of age.

Well here is one solution. Zarbee’s all natural cough syrup is a mix of honey, Vitamin C, and Zinc. It seems to be pretty effective in stemming postnasal drip-related cough (at least temporarily). And it is all natural. You can make a similar mix of dark honeys at home as well. Remember, honey is only safe for children over one year of age. Of course, consult your pediatrician and have her make an individualized treatment plan for your child.

EAR PIERCING: WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME?

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Parents often ask me when is the best time to pierce their baby’s ears. In my practice, more and more parents are opting to pierce their daughters’ ears in the first few months of life. With any piercing, it is recommended that one has up-to-date immunity to tetanus. After the six month well visit, most babies have three tetanus vaccines. So ear piercing is much safer after the third tetanus vaccine.

Some pediatricians will pierce your baby’s ears, but many do not. Ask other moms where they have taken their kids for piercing and go with the place with the best reviews. Make sure they use sterile technique. Gold studs with gold backings are best to avoid allergic reactions. Watch out – earrings can be a choking hazard. Make sure that the backings lock onto the stud.

Remember, it is not necessary to pierce the ears that early. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends waiting until they are older and are interested in having their ears pierced. When she is old enough to ask for earrings, make it a girls day out and enjoy picking out the earrings together.

TODDLERS AND TANTRUMS

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They are cute. They are fast. They only want what they want. Yes… I am talking about toddlers.

You may have noticed that your toddler is very quick on his feet. He is also very quick on the uptake. Unnoticed to you, he makes many connections in his mind. He realizes that when he climbs the fireplace or the stairs, you stop what you are doing, run to him, and pick him up. When he throws all the shoes off the shelf in the shoe store, he gets you to stop eyeing all the pretty shoes and look at him instead. If he bites you or hits his head on the wall, he gets even more attention including some “Noo!! Don’t that” type of reaction.

Needless-to-say, toddlers are attention-seeking smart-alecs who can’t express themselves. They define all attention as good attention, even if it means you are angry. They can’t communicate well enough, so they throw themselves backwards or stiffen up their body or cry interminably. Always remember that this is normal behavior for toddlers. They don’t call it “Terrible two” for nothing.

Your understanding of toddler psychology will make the terrible two easier for you and set your child up for good behavior for the rest of his life. Next time a tantrum is about to unfold, this is what you can do.
1. First, make sure he is safe.
2. Second, don’t turn around from what you are doing or frown or yell “No.” Act like you don’t care about what he is doing. Without looking at him, use a soft voice and say “We don’t do that.”
3. Next, distract him and take him to a different location or to a favorite toy or picture. If you are in a store, then leave the store. If you are driving, then you can pull over safely into a parking lot.

Ignoring undesirable behavior will not work unless desirable behavior is rewarded. The reward in this age group is attention. When he listens well and does not throw a tantrum, he is giving you a golden opportunity. This is your cue to reinforce his good behavior. Give him a ton of attention, lot of praise, and playtime with you. His toddler brain will quickly make connection that “Mommy plays with me when I listen to her.” Wouldn’t that be serendipitous?

Photo courtesy of: FreeDigitalphotos.net

A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR

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Mary Poppins had the right idea. A spoonful of sugar does make the medicine go down. I often wonder what Mary would recommend in regards to modern medications, however. Medicine has advanced, but alas, the taste of our children’s medications most definitely has not. We do have a few chewable and flavoring options available now. If those don’t work, then try this tasty trick I learned during residency. Have your child lick frozen grape juice concentrate. This creates such intense flavor on the tongue that the taste buds go numb for a few minutes. During this time, medicine can be swallowed quickly, without an impending taste-bud revolt.
Isn’t it is a yummy way to take medicine? I think Mary Poppins would approve. What do you think?

PICKY EATER SERIES: PART ONE

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“She’s so skinny. Why don’t you feed her?” I can’t count how many times I heard this about my child. Every time I heard it, I would take a mental step back as if I was slapped. Sounds extreme? No really, that comment hurt. If only they knew how much thought and work I put into feeding the kids.

“Maybe it’s genetics,” I thought to myself. I used to be a finicky eater myself in childhood. Maybe it was the toddler appetite slump. This is real and most young kids go through it. My fear, however, was that my child would never grow out of this slump. So what did I do? First, I reconciled myself to the fact that my child was not going to gobble down food (like many of the other kids we knew). Second, I had to force myself to stay focused on one goal. And that was “to create healthy eating habits for life.

Today I am sharing one of my successes with you. The success is in my own realization of one very important fact. The fact that children like structure in their life. They need it and they respond to it. This structure should most definitely be extended to the dining table.

Set the meal times and snack times. It will simplify your life and it will allow your child to learn that food should not be grazed on all day.

Structure the plate. At every meal, create a plate with three different components. For instance, let’s say, you prepare a plate with green beans, cut apple, and baked breaded chicken nuggets. Have your child rotate taking bites between each component. In this case, first one bite of beans, then one bite of apple, then one bite of chicken and so on and so on. Treat it like a game. This will keep them focused on their task (or game) of eating and they get the variety of foods they need (without realizing it).

It takes a couple of weeks for the kids to get used to this routine, but they will respond positively to it. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas as well. What has worked and what hasn’t worked for you?

Photo courtesy: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net